I found this on my desktop. I have no idea when or why I wrote it.

 

1. If a vampire accidentally bites his tongue, his tongue turns into a tiny vampire.

2. Their fear of garlic means they will never be able to really enjoy a good pasta prima vera.

3. Crosses kill vampires, so if you double-cross a vampire you kill him twice.

4. If a vampire is exposed to the sun he turns into dust, which means none of his clothes fit.

5. Vampires sleep in coffins, which makes vampire slumber parties weird and depressing.

6. If you try to baptize a vampire you just end up melting his face off.

7. Vampires live forever, which sounds cool but it means they’ve heard every joke 30 465 times at least.

8. Vampires are constantly being mistaken for members of bad emo/punk/goth bands.

9. Vampires are very capable. By which I mean they often wear capes.

10. Sports fans abuse vampires when their team doesn’t win. Oh wait, that’s umpires.