Jun 05

10 Personal Superstitions

 

If you’re someone who is usually a very rational person but sometimes you have a few silly superstitions that you follow because you believe they bring you good luck or keep you safe, then get over yourself because you’re actually not very rational.

 

Here are a few of mine:

 

  1. I always say “God Bless You” after some sneezes or robs a bank.
  2. I never call it “Macbeth”. I always call it “That Dumb Scottish Play Written by Some Asshole”
  3. If I don’t give every dog I see a cute nickname, I firmly believe that I will grow tiny mouths on my eyes.
  4. When I see a black cat, I douse it in superglue and dip it in glitter.
  5. I actually broke my mother’s back so that I could walk on cracks in the sidewalk with impunity.
  6. Whenever I spill salt I have to rub a mouse on my elbow.
  7. On Friday the 13th I can only go to the toilet if someone watches.
  8. I avoid using irony on any day that ends with the word “day”.
  9. I cross my legs behind my back when telling a lie to a corpse.
  10. I always say grace before masturbating.

 

May 18

10 Historical Bumper Stickers

 

 

  1. “Horn If You’re Honky” – The Reverend Spooner

 

  1. “Tragic Happens” – William Shakespeare

 

  1.  “My Other Car is Your Father’s Mouth” – The Marquis de Sade

 

  1. “I Brake… Just Like a Little Girl” – Bob Dylan

 

  1. “No One is My Co-pilot” – Amelia Earhart

 

  1. “Ship Happens” – Noah

 

  1. “If You Can Read This You’re Too Close… To The Edge” – Grandmaster Flash

 

  1. “Save The Whales… For Later ” – Herman Melville

 

  1.  “I Neither Drive, Nor Vote!” – Julius Caesar

 

  1. “Maybe On Board” – Immanuel Kant

 

 

Apr 14

Pathetic Justifications for an Original Songwriter

 

Hello. I am persevering with writing, recording and releasing original music in this day and age. This is downright foolish.

 

Here are three pathetic justifications I catch myself believing every so often. If you’re an original singer/songwriter like me, perhaps they’ll stop you sticking a gun in your mouth:

 

1. My complete lack of any kind of success is actually a deliberate decision not to sell out and make my stuff more universal and consequently less potent.

 

2. Nowadays with so much online media, it’s more of an achievement to remain obscure than it is to achieve success.

 

3. It is the quality of my audience not the quantity.  I don’t want a lot of people to like my stuff for five minutes. I want the people who like my stuff to like my stuff and stay with me.

 

I don’t know if I really believe these things but I guess it doesn’t much matter. I’ll continue to keep writing songs. I’ve been writing songs for so long now that I don’t know how not to write songs anymore.

 

And maybe that’s the greatest pathetic justification of them all.

 

Or not. Whatever. I don’t know. Please buy my songs.

 

You can buy them HERE.

 

Thanks.

 

Mar 24

Where I’ve Been

Feb 07

The First Review for The New Album

 

My as-yet-untitled album will not be released until later in the year, but it has already received its first positive  review thanks to music engineer/mixer/masterer extraordinaire, Ross Cockle.

Ross is one of the most respected names in the Australian music scene and has worked with Simon & Garfunkel, Paul Kelly, Deborah Conway, The Blackeyed Susans, Split Enz, Cat Empire and Man Bites God to name a few.

He has also just mastered my new solo album. This is what he had to say during the process:

“This album is good, basic noise – so bittersweet it makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s a songwriter’s record – like Elvis Costello or Joe Jackson”

This is high praise indeed for two major reasons: I have great respect Ross’ opinion and Ross has actually worked with Joe Jackson.

The new album will come out in the second half of 2013 – stay tuned for more details.

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