Oct 23

Time Machine – Live and Acoustic

Oct 23

New York – Live and Acoustic at the Rainbow Hotel

Oct 22

Quotation Marks The Spot

Performing in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival is always a roller-coaster of intense emotions that can leave even the strongest and sanest of us babbling and weeping incoherently like a robot who suddenly develops human feelings. Let the following brief essay illustrate my point:

I received an e-mail from a major publication and the subject line contained their name and the word “review”. I was justifiably thrilled that so far out from my show’s opening night there were journalists clamoring to attend and possibly write nice things about me. I may have danced. Yes. I possibly did a little dance.

However when I opened the email I discovered it was someone wanting me to prove that a quote I had attributed to their publication was in fact true as they could not find any record of ever reviewing me. This was like being kicked twice. Hard. In the penis. By my Mum. No new review. No clamoring. And also, by the way, my credibility was being called into question.

I quickly shot an email back and explained the quote I had correctly attributed to their publication had come from a 2008 article they had done about Australian performers at the Fringe, and not a previous review and the problem was resolved. However if there are any less-than-honest fringe performers out there, beware – there seem to now be a Quote Squad.

Years ago, before I had performed much and had no media quotes to use, I was very tempted to write as my entry in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Guide, “absolutely the best thing of the festival” - Edinburgh Fringe Festival Guide.

I thought it was kind of funny, but I never did it and certainly wouldn’t do it nowadays. It seems that you no longer need to have a sense of humor to take comedy seriously.

And you can quote me on that.

Oct 18

100 Haikus (1 to 10)

You are in two minds
One of them is yours, of course
The other is mine

A giraffe watches a mime
Vomit into a hat

I once saw otters
Read the bible to a priest
But I can’t prove it

I go to work in darkness
Come home the same way

Worse than her falling
From her gilt pedestal is
Me falling from mine

Hey you on the train
Yelling stuff into your phone
No one fucking cares

I am decisive
Or I am indecisive
Or both. Or neither.

Ok, here’s the deal
The weirder you say you are
The less weird you are

Kurt Cobain is dead
All my heroes are dead
(Except the live ones)

My favourite songs
Are dark and funny and sad
All at the same time

Sep 28

A (Mostly) Nice Review of the 2011 Ed Fringe Festival Show


“If you’ve ever wondered how a giant squid would pursue a relationship with a girl in the landlocked Czech Republic, James Hazelden might be on your wavelength. Self-deprecating and thoroughly surreal, he writes offbeat comic tunes broken up with ironic commentary and occasional flashes of satisfyingly sick humour. Despite a love song for lepers and an ode to religiously themed masturbation, there’s nothing too offensive about this act; there’s more the feel of silly schoolboy gross-out humour than a confrontational effort to shock. This straightforward approach suits Hazelden’s laid-back style, meshing well with his simple acoustic strumming and enjoyable if unremarkable melodies. By playing to his strengths, he comes across as a warm and entertaining jester.” – Three Weeks


The original article is HERE.

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